As an independent financial adviser, I spend a lot of time working with people who are navigating divorce. Recently, I was asked to speak to nearly 500 fellow advisers about the ethics of divorce advice, and one idea really resonated with the room…

Divorce isn’t a single event.

It’s a process – a journey – and it unfolds in stages.

Each stage asks something different of you: emotionally, practically, and financially. When you’re living it, though, it can all feel like one long, exhausting blur, where days bleed into weeks and decisions pile up when your capacity is at its lowest.

I’ve found that breaking divorce into stages can help make the chaos feel more manageable. It helps you understand where you are, what might be coming next, and how to protect yourself financially along the way.

This is how I see the three stages of divorce – and how to survive each one.

Stage 1: Separation

This is the moment everything shifts. Whether the decision was mutual, one-sided, or completely unexpected, separation marks the start of a new reality, and it’s often overwhelming.

At this stage, divorce tends to take over everything – your thoughts, your energy, your ability to focus. Many people tell me they feel distracted at work, emotionally raw, or just deeply tired from trying to hold life together.

From a financial point of view, this is not the time for big, complex decisions. Your capacity is limited, and that’s totally okay.

What matters most in this stage:

• Staying safe. If there are any emotional, physical or financial safety concerns, protecting yourself comes first. That might mean opening a separate bank account, changing passwords, or speaking to a lawyer before making any big moves.
• Keeping things simple. Start by gathering the basics – bank accounts, mortgage details, superannuation statements. You don’t need to solve everything yet.
• Not doing it alone. The right adviser can introduce you to a trusted network of family lawyers, accountants and psychologists, so you’re not carrying the load by yourself.

Your job at this stage isn’t to get everything right. It’s to stay afloat, conserve energy, and gather the right support team around you.

Stage 2: Negotiation

Once the initial shock eases, most people move into the negotiation stage.

This is where practical reality meets emotion and property settlements are discussed, superannuation is divided, and the budgets for life after divorce start to take shape.

If separation feels like survival mode, negotiation often feels like hard labour. There’s paperwork, financial disclosure, data gathering and scenario planning – all while you’re still processing what’s happening emotionally.

This is where a financial adviser plays a critical role. In this stage, my work usually involves:

• Making sure all assets and liabilities are properly identified and understood.
• Modelling different settlement scenarios alongside your lawyer.
• Building clear budgets and projections so you can see what each option actually means for your future.

One of the most powerful tools in this stage is goal setting – not vague hopes, but clear, practical goals.

Things like:

“I want to own a home without a mortgage.”
“I want to stay in my children’s school zone.”
“I want enough flexibility to retrain for a new career.”

When we translate those goals into numbers, the conversation changes. We’re no longer just negotiating percentages; we’re negotiating a future you can realistically live with.

Stage 3: Moving Forward

Eventually, the paperwork is signed, the consent orders are finalised, and the settlement is done.

For many people, this stage feels like both an ending and a beginning. It’s the close of a chapter you never imagined would end this way – and the start of something new that still feels uncertain.

Financially, this is where rebuilding begins. And if you’ve had the right support through separation and negotiation, you’re not starting from scratch – you’re starting from a place of clarity.

This stage is about:

• Re-establishing confidence – setting up accounts, consolidating super, and creating a financial system that feels manageable.
• Rebuilding wealth in a way that balances today’s needs with long-term security.
• Planning your next chapter, whether that’s retirement, a career change, or creating stability for your children.

During the seminar, one adviser asked me: “Can you really set goals during divorce, or do you have to wait until it’s over?”

My answer was simple: you pick your moment.

Short-term goals are often possible even in the thick of it. Longer-term goals tend to land better once the dust has settled. Either way, divorce doesn’t end your financial story. It simply starts a new chapter.

A Few Practical Survival Tips

Let me leave you with some survival tips I shared with my professional peers that I’ve adapted for you.

During separation: keep things simple, document everything, and accept that your energy is limited.

During negotiation: be clear about what matters to you. Don’t just argue over numbers – think about the life you want those numbers to fund.

During moving forward: treat this as a reset. The pain is real, but so is the opportunity to rebuild on your own terms.

Why These Stages Matter

Divorce can feel messy, relentless and endless, but when you understand it as a series of stages, a path forward becomes clearer.

When I spoke to the advisers, I reminded them that our job isn’t just to run the numbers – it’s to walk alongside people through the chaos, one stage at a time, until they’re ready to step into their next chapter with confidence.

And that’s exactly what I want for you, too.