When I spoke recently to a room full of financial advisers about the ethics of divorce, one theme I kept returning to was impartiality.

Now, impartiality might sound like a dry, professional word. But if you are the one going through divorce, it is anything but abstract. It can be the difference between advice that protects you and advice that leaves you feeling vulnerable.

Impartiality matters because it helps keep emotions and decisions separate. It allows an adviser to support you with clear thinking and protect your long-term financial wellbeing.

The Temptation to Take Sides

When a marriage breaks down, emotions run high. Stories are told. Accusations are made. One partner may paint the other as reckless, untrustworthy or even dangerous.

As I told my peers during that seminar, “There are always three truths: one side’s truth, the other side’s truth, and the actual truth.”

That matters because, in the middle of a separation, an adviser who has worked with you both will be hearing from each side. It is human nature to want to take the side of the person sitting across from you, especially when there has been a long-term relationship.

Good advice requires discipline. It means listening carefully, checking facts and recognising when emotions are distorting reality. Sometimes the most valuable thing an adviser can do is slow the conversation down, clarify what is true and help you make a decision that will stand the test of time.

When Couples Share an Adviser

Many couples start their financial journey together with one adviser. That can work beautifully while the relationship is healthy. But once divorce enters the picture, everything changes.

In our profession, the ethical standard is clear: advisers must avoid conflicts of interest. Few situations create more potential for conflict than a divorcing couple.

Personally, I would never continue to advise both parties. It is not worth the risk for you, for the adviser or for the quality of advice being given.

It is not just about protecting the adviser. It is about protecting you. Once an adviser tries to juggle both sides, confidential information can blur and subtle biases can creep in.

A good adviser will recognise that and step back when needed. Sometimes that means continuing to act for one party and referring the other to a trusted colleague. Other times, it means referring both of you elsewhere to ensure each has a completely fresh start.

Protecting the Vulnerable

In my experience, both partners can be vulnerable in different ways.

One might be financially sophisticated while the other has never handled the household money. One might be managing addiction or mental health challenges while the other is simply overwhelmed and fearful.

Impartiality means recognising those vulnerabilities and making sure no one is left unsupported. It also means being brave enough to say, “You both deserve independent advice.”

That can feel like rejection in the moment, but it is actually an act of care. It ensures neither party is disadvantaged and both can move forward with clarity and confidence.

What Impartiality Looks Like

From your perspective, impartiality looks like this:

• You are heard, but not blindly agreed with. If your adviser gently challenges you, it is not betrayal, it is protection.
• Conflicts are acknowledged, not ignored. When an adviser says, “I cannot ethically keep working for both of you,” that is a sign of integrity, not weakness.
• Referrals are handled with care. A professional adviser will have trusted peers to recommend, not leave you to start from scratch.
• Your long-term interests come first. Impartial advice is not about winning a short-term battle. It is about protecting your financial wellbeing long after the settlement is done.

The Courage to Say “No”

Over the years, I have noticed a change in what good advice looks like.

We have evolved from being people who help clients get what they want, to people who help them understand what they need. And sometimes, what you need is an adviser who has the courage to say “no.”

No, I will not encourage you to raid your superannuation to fund a legal war.
No, I cannot advise both you and your ex. It would not be fair to either of you.
No, I will not let you make a decision you will regret once emotions have settled.

Those boundaries are not always easy to set. But they are the ones that protect you when things feel uncertain.

Why it matters

When I spoke to that room of advisers about impartiality, I was not just talking about professional standards. I was talking about people. People navigating grief, change and loss.

When you are in the middle of a divorce, trust can feel fragile. What you need most is not someone to take your side. It is someone who will stay steady, ethical and focused on protecting your future.

That is the power of impartiality.
And that is why it matters.